This past summer, Kristy and I packed up the car, loaded up the boys and headed out of town with two other couples for our annual beach trip. What makes this trip so exciting - sure, we can use that word - is that between our 3 couples we have 11 children - all boys - all under the age of 6.
These are two couples that we are quite intentional about sharing life with. We're to the place where we trust each other with our own kids, allow one another to correct/discipline our kids and actually play a part in raising one another's kids.
One night on this particular trip, Kristy got into a beautiful conversation with the other two girls. I think us dad's must have all gone to sleep (tired from keeping up with the kids all day, cooking, keeping the condo clean, etc.). The conversation made it's way towards how we are going to train our boys in the ways of God, how we will instill kingdom values in them, and teach them how to live. The question came up at one point, "How will 'I' be able to train my boys to do something or to a choose a particular path that I myself (and/or my husband) might have messed up or not chosen correctly." Another one of the girls replied, "Perhaps, but what if we share in the raising of our boys. Between the three of us, we have all had different experiences and made different choices. So I can give a whole different perspective. This way our kids can learn from all of our stories and lives."
As the girls discussed they came to the conclusion that when we truly invite one another into each other's lives we all bring different things to the table.
Since then I have thought a lot about the ancient "African" proverb, 'It takes a village to raise a child.' Some believe this proverb originated from the Nigerian Igbo culture and proverb "Ora na azu nwa" which actually means 'it takes the community /village to raise a child.' This tribe went so far as to name their children "Nwa ora" which means 'child of the community.' It has been in existence in Africa for centuries.
Adopting a daughter from a completely different culture (Africa, actually) has led me to thinking this thru at even deeper levels. It's raised a number of questions:
In our context today, what is it that causes us to think that our children are better off only learning from us (their parents)?
Is it possible that our collective experience and wisdom would actually work to make our kids better, not worse?
How does our modern day, individualistic, American culture hinder us from engaging in the centuries old practice of raising children in community?
Do you have a community of people that you share life with and allow to speak into your kid's lives? If not, would you be willing to? If not, why not?
How can we be more intentional about being a part of a 'village' to share life and the raising of our kids?
3 comments:
Nice blog, Brian. I like the thoughts and the questions. One would really have to have a high level of trust in the other individuals that would share in this awesome responsibility. That you have this is an enormous blessing. I think a huge challenge would be for others that want this, who don't already have such a network, working to find and then embrace those of like minds. Where would they even begin? No small task I'm sure you would agree. That said, it certainly is a worthy cause for all those willing to climb aboard. Thanks. TA
We had a big problem when our kids were growing up that no one in church could keep track of which parents went with which kids or even which parents went together.
@ Pi Man - I agree. Finding this is not easy...at all. And even once/if found, sustaining it seems that it would also prove difficult.
@athanasius - I'm not sure if I completely understand which angle your comment is coming from. Could you elaborate. Did you experience major pitfalls?
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