It Takes a Village

This past summer, Kristy and I packed up the car, loaded up the boys and headed out of town with two other couples for our annual beach trip. What makes this trip so exciting - sure, we can use that word - is that between our 3 couples we have 11 children - all boys - all under the age of 6.

These are two couples that we are quite intentional about sharing life with. We're to the place where we trust each other with our own kids, allow one another to correct/discipline our kids and actually play a part in raising one another's kids. 

One night on this particular trip, Kristy got into a beautiful conversation with the other two girls. I think us dad's must have all gone to sleep (tired from keeping up with the kids all day, cooking, keeping the condo clean, etc.). The conversation made it's way towards how we are going to train our boys in the ways of God, how we will instill kingdom values in them, and teach them how to live. The question came up at one point, "How will 'I' be able to train my boys to do something or to a choose a particular path that I myself (and/or my husband) might have messed up or not chosen correctly." Another one of the girls replied, "Perhaps, but what if we share in the raising of our boys. Between the three of us, we have all had different experiences and made different choices. So I can give a whole different perspective. This way our kids can learn from all of our stories and lives."

As the girls discussed they came to the conclusion that when we truly invite one another into each other's lives we all bring different things to the table. 

Since then I have thought a lot about the ancient "African" proverb, 'It takes a village to raise a child.' Some believe this proverb originated from the Nigerian Igbo culture and proverb "Ora na azu nwa" which actually means 'it takes the community /village to raise a child.' This tribe went so far as to name their children "Nwa ora" which means 'child of the community.' It has been in existence in Africa for centuries.

Adopting a daughter from a completely different culture (Africa, actually) has led me to thinking this thru at even deeper levels. It's raised a number of questions:

In our context today, what is it that causes us to think that our children are better off only learning from us (their parents)?

Is it possible that our collective experience and wisdom would actually work to make our kids better, not worse?

How does our modern day, individualistic, American culture hinder us from engaging in the centuries old practice of raising children in community?

Do you have a community of people that you share life with and allow to speak into your kid's lives? If not, would you be willing to? If not, why not?

How can we be more intentional about being a part of a 'village' to share life and the raising of our kids?

Navigating the Waters of Public School

As parents of 4 boys, Kristy and I spent a good deal of time praying about, talking about and figuring out which avenue we would take for educating our children. Our options were, magnet school, public neighborhood school, homeschool, private school or unschooling. (Wikipedia: Unschooling)

From the very beginning, I sensed that God was leading us to put our kids in the public neighborhood school for a couple of reasons that I'll mention shortly. That being said, public school was a scary option for me. I grew up a private school boy. Pre-K - 12th grade. All private. All the way. I had very little experience with public schools but what I did know (think I knew) was not good. I saw Dangerous Minds and Lean on Me. I knew some stuff about public schools. The only thing that public school had going for it in my mind was that my wife went to public school and she seems to be doing fine these days.

With 4 (soon to be 5) kids, we had no choice but to eliminate private school as an option simply due to the cost. Unschooling was never a real thought. Homeschool was also easy for us to eliminate for two reasons. The first was that Kristy and I didn't feel cut out for it. The second reason, which is why we also felt led from the beginning towards the neighborhood school was that we wanted our kids in an environment where they would be able to experience life and practice their faith with people who do not all believe or live like we do. (We have lots of friends who have chosen both private and homeschool for very good reasons that work very well for them. We also will not rule either of these options out for the future, however at this time we simply felt led in a different direction.) 

That left us with the magnet school or the neighborhood school. We went back and forth for a while but upon touring our public neighborhood school, we were immediately sold on it. We really liked the school facility and faculty and we loved the idea that our kids would go to school with other kids who they live in the same neighborhood as.

Some have asked how, as a Christian, I feel about what my boys will be taught in public school. I'm actually okay with my kids learning about evolution and humans coming from monkeys. I'm okay with them learning about GLBT issues and orientations. I'm totally okay with prayer not being allowed in school and think that Happy Holidays is actually a better way to go than Merry Christmas. These things don't bother me, they just remind me of how important my role is as a parent to actively pursue God and to continually lead my kids to the heart of Jesus so that they may learn how to ultimately be led, not by rules, but by his spirit. I don't mean to sound like I take these things lightly, but this is the world that my kids will grow up and live in, so I want to teach them early how to navigate these waters in everyday real life situations.

Our first year at the school was a very good one. Our oldest 2 were at the school this year in Kindergarten and Pre-K. We loved their teachers. We loved their friends. Both of our boys became best friends with kids in their classes that were of different races. This totally blessed my heart because my boys will not grow up seeing color (which is also good considering their sister will be black). On the whole it was a great year!

Last Friday our family was there on the second row for our oldest son's graduation from Kindergarten. He was so cute on the stage with about 50 other Kindergarten students, singing songs, reciting poems and stories and receiving certificates.

And then it happened....right in the middle of the program.....a fight broke out.

But this wasn't just any public school fight. This one was even better because it was between parents. Right there on the front row, 10 feet from where the children were standing and watching and learning. One man was actually hauled off to jail, another woman escorted to the back of the room and two other adults were watched closely for the rest of the ceremony.

I'm sad to say, but my initial response was that we needed to get our kids out of this school. We needed to place them somewhere where evil and stupidity couldn't touch them. After calming down though and getting back to God, I feel even more strongly that this is the very reason we need to keep our kids right where they are and as parents who follow Jesus, our role is to continue becoming more engaged in the lives of our kids friends, their parents, the teachers and so on. This is where the rubber hits the road. This is where our hope that life can be different actually gets played out. This is where the kingdom of God touches the kingdom of the world in very real, very tangible ways. This is the tension we've been invited to live in. These are the waters that we feel we have been called to navigate through with grace and mercy, hope and light.

So, the journey will continue. If we continue to feel this is the direction God is leading us, we will have 3 at the school next year. Four the year after that. And five the year after that. My prayer is that Jesus in the Jeansonne's is evidenced by more of his kingdom touching that school and the lives of those involved at the school in tangible ways every year.

And for those who are curious...yes, it is still scary for me.

Brian's World

My wife Kristy and I share the joy and privilege of raising 4 children…all boys.

Micah: age 4

Jonah: age 3

Nate: age 2

Lucas: age 6 months (obviously not in the pic)

Needless to say, with four small boys running around our home, there are many funny words and phrases uttered at any given moment. I love writing down these words and phrases and looking back on them when I need a good laugh. Just for fun, I thought I’d share a few.

“Nate, take the pizza off of your head!” – Brian

“Jonah, we do not put our head in the toilet!” – Brian

“God…food….amen.” – Nate’s prayer at the dinner table

“Jonah, there is no pooing in the tree house!” – Brian

“Daddy, can I go down the slide naked?” – Micah

“Jonah, we don’t climb on the dresser! Micah, we don’t push Jonah off of the dresser once he’s up there!” - Brian

“Daddy, can I pee on the fence?” – Micah

“Jonah, just pee on the fence!” – Kristy

“Mom, is my booty clean?” – Jonah

“Micah, we don’t sit on our brother’s heads!” – Brian

“Jonah, do not pee on your brother!” – Kristy

"Mom, is there poop in here?" - Micah to Kristy when she placed dinner on the table

…and then there’s my favorite…

“Hey Dad! Nate’s got a little weenie. Jonah’s got a little weenie. I got a big weenie!” – Micah

In response to Micah’s comment, I replied, “Micah, we don’t need to talk about each other’s weenies. Let’s talk about something else.” I could see the wheels in Micah’s head spinning and then he looked at me and said, “Let’s talk about snakes!”

….and to think…Lucas isn’t even talking yet.

Camping 101

Last week, I took my oldest son, Micah, camping. It was our first camping trip together – just the two of us. As our trip was nearing, I was amazed at how excited I was. The nights leading up to our time together, I could not stop telling Kristy how excited I was to take my boy camping and actually spending some quality one-on-one time with him. I enjoyed every single minute of packing our supplies, buying our groceries and buying Micah his first fishing pole. Quite honestly, I think I was more excited than he was.

I took Micah to the same camping grounds that our family went to when I was growing up. I decided not to make reservations, because I was nervous that if I reserved a site that I ended up not liking – I’d be stuck with it. So, I chose to take my chances and arrive early in the day to pick out a site that would be just right. Before we left, I asked Kristy to pray that we get a great site and that we have a great time together.

After a two hour drive, Micah and I arrived. I drove up to the window and said, “We don’t have reservations, but we’d like a camping site.” The sweet little woman at the window said, “Well, we have one site left.”

One site!

There are over 200 sites at this campground and they had just one left?

I said, “We’ll take it!”

As we drove through the park, we wove our way down the winding roads through the rolling hills and finally arrived at our campsite. As soon as I noticed which site was ours, I felt this sinking feeling inside. Our site was wide open! We were practically sharing a site with the people next to us. You could count the number of trees in and around our site – and we were supposed to be in the woods! I tried to put on a happy face for Micah as we began to set up camp. I sent a text to Kristy that said, “BUMMER! Our site SUCKS!”

We had a great time setting up camp, but I couldn’t seem to shake my feelings of being bummed. I just felt like the whole trip was going to be affected by our site being so open. It wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what I expected.

After setting up camp, I gave Micah his fishing pole and I took him fishing for the first time in his life. It was the coolest thing. He caught all kinds of stuff. He hooked a tree. He caught some grass. He even reeled in a pier. And he loved every single minute of it. As we were sitting there casting our lines, Micah looked up at me and said, “Dad, you don’t like our firecamp?” (He called our campsite a firecamp.) I was taken aback. I hadn’t said anything to him about not liking our site. I hadn’t spoken it out loud to anyone (I intentionally texted Kristy so he would not hear me talking to her about it.) I looked at him and said, “No, Micah – I like our firecamp. Why?” To which he replied, “I was just wondering because I really like it.”

At that moment I realized that if it didn’t bother Micah, then there was no reason in the world that it should bother me. From that moment on, I had a change of attitude, a change of mind and a change of heart. And I had the most amazing time with my son.

On our trip, I taught Micah how to pitch a tent, start a fire, cast a line, scramble eggs, tell spooky stories, roast hot dogs on an open flame and find a private place in the woods to pee.

On our trip, Micah taught me not to let my circumstances determine my attitude and experience.

It's 3 A.M...Do You Know Where Your Wife Is?

On March 1 Kristy and I will celebrate our 48 month anniversary – 4 years of marriage. Four years ago, I was 26 years old, living in a beautiful one bedroom apartment, had two nice cars, a great job and lots and lots of free time. Enjoying movies and a variety of dining experiences on a weekly basis, Kristy and I enjoyed our lives as we had very little responsibility and lots of ‘us’ time. Just 4 short years ago, I could be awakened at 3:00 in the morning, roll over and wake my wife up for a little 3 a.m. action. What a life!

It’s amazing how much can change in just 4 years time.

Forty eight months later our lives are in no way, shape or form the same as they once were (except that we’re better friends today than we were then). Now, don’t get me wrong – we still get to enjoy the things we once did. We still enjoy the movies and probably watch them more than in the past. Of course these movies include Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc., Toy Story, The Lion King and Jungle Book. We still enjoy a variety of dining experiences such as McDonalds, Dunkin’ Donuts and Chuck E. Cheese’s. We still have two nice cars – if you consider a mini-van a nice car. And most importantly we still get up at 3:00 a.m. The only problem is, now when I wake up at 3 a.m. it is usually to a child crying and more often than not I’m lying next to a space void of my best friend. As I write this today Kristy and I now have 3 boys – Micah (28 months), Jonah (14 months) and Nathan (4 days).

Saturday night, we had our newest addition, Nathan, home for the first time. All was running smoothly until about 11 pm when Nathan (4 days old) woke up Jonah (14 months). After getting Jonah back to sleep and Nathan fed, all seemed well until Jonah woke up again at midnight, lying in a bed that he somehow managed to wet from one end to the other. (I don’t know how a kid that small can pee that much.) I changed the sheets as Kristy began rocking him back to sleep. As she rocked him, I headed back to our bed only to be stopped in my tracks by a crying Nathan. So I went and took care of Nathan and finally met Kristy back in the bed at 1:30 a.m. Around 3:00 a.m. our oldest son, Micah (28 months old) began crying. As I rolled over to see if Kristy was going to make her way to Micah’s room, I noticed she wasn’t there. I was instantly transported in my mind to the days when we would get it on at this time…but I digress. Not tonight. As I get up and move towards Micah’s room I notice Kris in the den once again feeding #3. So, I go to Micah’s room and work my magic until he falls back asleep. At 5:45 a.m. I wake up in Micah’s bed (that was my magic) and drag myself to the shower to start another day. What a life!

Last night in our home, our experience was the same as Saturday night, with the addition of one child throwing up and having to clean up that mess. Needless to say, I am incredibly tired today. I could take time later to write out all of the things that I am learning right now, but that would make this blog way too long. So, I’m just jotting down the cliff notes today:

1. God is really teaching me, once again, that choosing selflessness is the way to go – especially in my marriage. I have been amazed to see how much it enhances my relationship with my bride and how valued she feels when I choose to help her in the middle of the night with our kids.

2. God is teaching me to enjoy the stage of life that I am in. Whether you’re single and want to be married, married and want to have kids, have kids and want more kids, have kids and want them to leave for college – the stage that you are in is what it is – and it will be gone one day so don’t rush through it. God is teaching me to truly enjoy where I am in life.

3. God is teaching me about his love for me through my kids. Just as I take incredible pleasure in my boys, he is teaching me that when I live in his presence, I can truly experience his pleasure in my life on a regular, daily basis. (I will certainly write more on this.)

The Smell of Rain

A couple of weeks ago, I started a new tradition with my 2 year old son Micah. We have started waking up on Monday mornings and heading off to Dunkin’ Donuts – just the two of us. We’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now. We turn into the parking lot and Micah begins yelling ‘donuts, donuts!’ As soon as we walk in the door he turns to his left, opens up the cooler and takes out a chocolate milk. I then sit him on the counter and ask him what kind of donuts he wants. The answer is always the same – ‘chocolate.’ After we get our six donut holes and our chocolate milk, I give the bag to Micah and he leads me to our table where we sit and talk about donuts. Sometimes Superman goes with us, sometimes it’s Woody and other times it’s Buzz, but the most important part of the morning for Micah is just that we’re together and we’re eating donuts. It’s all about the moment.

Kids are funny people. I’ve always liked kids, but I didn’t really appreciate kids until I started having my own. When you have your own kids, it’s really cool because you finally have someone in your life that has to do what you say and you get to practice counting to three a lot. The most amazing thing about kids though, is just how much you can actually learn from them. If my boys have taught me one thing then they have taught me a thousand things. But one of the things that I love most is that they have taught me (or are teaching me) how to slow down and live in the moment.

This morning I left my home around 6:30 am. It was cold and rainy – a typical January morning in New Orleans. This morning for whatever reason, I was not in a hurry. As I stepped out of my front door, the cool morning air brushed across my face and I felt alive. As I stood on my front porch looking out at my car through the falling rain drops, I was filled with a sense of awe. It was cold as I stood there in that place, but I experienced an overwhelming sense of God’s presence as I realized that today was another day of life, full of opportunities, full of possibilities. I pondered running as quickly as possible to my car or just waiting it out for the rain to stop. I chose to wait. And in that moment, I could smell the rain. I don’t know how to describe that smell to you. All I know is that it was the aroma of life. It was fresh. It was refreshing. It was the moment that I was in. It was the only moment that I was being guaranteed.

On Monday mornings, Micah is so content to eat his donuts. He has no idea that there is more to do that day. As far as he is concerned, it’s just him and his daddy enjoying chocolate milk and chocolate donuts. His finite mind cannot fathom that there would be anything more, anything better than where he is at that precise moment. I hope that one day; I can be just like my boy.