Sunday Stories: Chosen

My Kristy and I packed our bags and headed out of town for a 3 day retreat last week to spend some time with a number of friends who are sharing a similar experience of life, parenthood, vocation and life mission. One evening while sitting around the fire, we were talking with some new friends who have adopted a number of African American children. They were telling us a story about one of their son's who came home from school one day, distraught and said, 

"Dad, they are all making fun of me because I'm black and have white parents."

 This dad looked at his boy and said,

"You go back tomorrow and you tell those kids that you are adopted.You tell them that means that your mom and dad stood at that nursery window, surveyed the whole room full of babies and said, 'That one! We want that one, right there!.'.....and then you tell them that they were in that same nursery."

The humor was funny. But the overarching message of being wanted and chosen - well that is beyond beautiful.

Waiting for Zoe

So, it turns out that the adoption process can be very fun and exciting and at times discouraging and drawn out. It's been fifteen months since we made our decision to pursue adoption and applied with America World Adoption Agency (AWAA). We spent five months pulling together all of our paperwork, meeting with our social worker and getting all of our ducks in a row. In September 2010 we mailed our dossier to Ethiopia and began the process of waiting. Eight months later, we are still waiting and at present, there does not seem to be an end in sight. 

For those who are interested in keeping up with our adoption journey on a regular basis, you can follow us over at our adoption blog here.

These days we have started a new tradition to help us keep our heads up during the waiting. Our dossier went to Ethiopia on the 24th of September, so we have declared the 24th of each month Zoe Moon day. On Zoe Moon day we take the boys out and we celebrate with ice cream. It has turned into a much anticipated family night and Kristy and I look forward to it just as much as the boys. 

So, until we are able to actually meet our Zoe we will continue to wait and while we wait, we will continue celebrate her arrival with ice cream.

And for all of you dads who already hold your daughters...you're doing a good work that matters greatly. Keep up the good work and don't forget to spend some time eating ice cream with your daughter. Here's a little John Mayer for you.

John Mayer - Daughters (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: John Mayer

Sharing Life

When Kristy and I started our journey towards adoption, I was content to tell a few people and pretty much leave it at that. Once those few friends knew, I didn't really talk about it all that much. That has been my mode of operation most of my adult life. I have some insight into why my default position is to operate this way (another blog for another day), but suffice it to say that operating this way has kept me in a lonely place for many parts of my life.

About 7 months ago, I was sitting in my office when my wife sent me an email with a link to a youtube video. At her request, I began watching the video only to realize that it was an adoption story of a couple from TN. As I watched this video, I was overcome by emotions and could truly sense the presence of God all about me. The video told of the couples journey from the day they decided to adopt to the day they brought their son home from Ethiopia. One thing that stood out to me more than anything was that throughout the video, this couple was surrounded by people who seemed to be as excited about their adoption journey as they were. At the end, the couple came walking through the airport with their new son only to be welcomed by more than 50 friends and loved ones. It was a celebration of epic proportions right there in the airport. It took everything within me not to cry, so I just gave up and began to bawl at my desk.

I immediately began to wonder, "Who will be at the airport when we bring our precious Zoe home?"

And in that utterly lonely moment, tucked away in my office, I felt like God said to me, "No one will be there, because you are not letting them into your journey or your life."

That day, everything changed.

Kristy and I became intentional about inviting our friends deeper into our lives and our journey. And our friends and loved ones have been amazing as they have stood by us, loving us, encouraging us, praying for us, asking us about Zoe, blessing us, thinking of us and standing with us. Over the past 7 months Zoe Moon has become known and loved by so many people and our lives are more full today because we are learning how to truly share our lives with our friends and loved ones.

Today marks 6 months since we went DTE (dossier to Ethiopia). Six months of waiting. The news out of Ethiopia has not been very good as of late and the waiting is challenging and at times very difficult. All the while, our friends have stood close and have remained faithful to support and pray.

Today, when I arrived at work, my co-workers, my friends, unbeknownst to me, made their way down the stairs to the lobby to greet me. Most were wearing their Zoe Moon shirts as they were full of smiles and laughter, encouragement and love. They remembered that today is Zoe Moon day in the Jeansonne home. The day that we celebrate our Zoe every month as a family. They are wonderful friends and family and I love them dearly.

Living life and being vulnerable with others is outside of my comfort zone. It is dangerous and risky, but I must say, that it is much more fun and exciting and meaningful than living alone in my own little world. I have concluded over this last year that life is better when shared with others.

Thank you, friends!

Letters to Zoe

One of my fondest, most vivid memories is of the day my first son was born and that first night in the hospital with by beautiful wife and our new baby boy. Even today, 6 years later, I can distinctly remember holding him in my arms and the words that I spoke over him and to him that night. Just as vivid and memorable is the night that I experienced the same feelings with our second son, just fourteen months later.

It didn't take me long to realize that though my heart was full of love and full of words for my sons, there was no way I would ever be able to remember everything on my own and there was no way for them to one day, in the future, know what I was saying and feeling for them at these present moments.

So, began, letters to my sons.

I love the technological advancements that have been made over the years that have made communicating much easier through avenues such as emailing, texting, facebooking, tweeting, blogging, skyping and so on. But for me, there is still no better way to communicate and express myself than through a handwritten letter.

Today, I am the proud dad of 4 beautiful and amazing boys. My boys are currently ages 6, 5, 4 & 2. At present, my Kristy and I are also in the (very slow) process of adopting our daughter, Zoe Moon, from Ethiopia.

These days, I keep a journal for each of my boys in which I regularly write letters to them. The letters are usually written at random times throughout the year as well as a letter to each boy on his birthday every year. This has been an amazing way for me to communicate with my boys and also have a book of letters to one day give to each. Even now, as they are growing older, I have recently begun sitting down with them and reading some of their letters to them.

Not too long ago, I headed over to Barnes and Noble to pick up my newest journal. This one is a little different. It's pink. And I cannot wait for the day that I am able to hold my Zoe and begin reading all of the letters that have been written to her even while she is over 8000 away.

I'm curious, what are some of your fun and creative traditions?

Bringing Zoe Home

Over that past few weeks, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the way I approach life and people. I have always been a fairly private person, which I believe is okay to a point. Lately, however, I have had some things in my heart that I find myself not sharing or celebrating with others the way I want to and should be. It’s an interesting thing that is happening to me and it is part of my own personal journey of learning more about myself and continuing to become more like the me that God created me to be. That is, one who lives from his heart and not so much from his head.

Along the way, through our adoption process, (Kristy and I are currently adopting a baby girl – Zoe – from Ethiopia) I have not really expressed my heart for our adoption. So, today, I’d like to share what is and has been going on in my heart over the past few months and years.

Adoption is actually something that Kris and I started discussing at the time of our engagement. At that time, 8 years ago, we both had a heart to possibly one day adopt. For me personally though, it is something that I have had on my heart for most of my adult life. Honestly, I can't explain why except that I always felt blessed growing up, especially in high school, because I had such great parents and a great home life. Growing up, many of my friends did not have this same experience and I can remember thinking that if I could ever give another child who didn't have a family - a family, then I would.

Obviously, Kris and I both desire a large family (we currently have 4 boys) and when we (she) decided that we (she) were/was probably done having biological children, we (we) both still sensed that we weren't actually done 'having' children. I think that God gives us the grace to do the things he asks us to do. I don't think God asks everyone to adopt or have a big family, but I do sense that it is something that he has called us to do.

We chose Ethiopia because we both have a heart for Africa. It is hard to explain heart stuff, but if you’ve ever experienced ‘heart stuff’ then you know what that's like. Throughout our research, we came to realize that there are only a handful of African countries that currently participate in international adoption. We also learned that Ethiopia had become a major player in international adoptions and there were many U.S. adoption agencies working with Ethiopia. At the same time, Ethiopia is one of the few African countries that has infants that may be adopted. There are over 5 million orphans in Ethiopia and most of these are due to poverty.

One of, if not, the biggest hurdle that was standing in our way of actually pulling the trigger and deciding to fully jump in was money. An Ethiopian adoption cost between $25,000 and $28,000. Once we knew that this was God though, we committed to simply figuring it out. We had about $8,000 saved up in our emergency fund, so we knew we could start with that. Then I thought about jumping into my 401k. After more consideration, I decided that we would not jump into the 401k, but instead would pray and ask God to provide the money. Because we wholeheartedly felt God's leading in this endeavor, we believed that he would either provide the money by people giving towards bringing Zoe home or by us borrowing against the equity in our home. (Which is different than going creating new debt.) We determined that we were good with either way he decided to work it out or both ways.

To date we are $12,200 into the adoption. Awesomely enough (perhaps you have not heard the word awesomely used in a sentence before, but let’s face it….it really works here), God has already provided 1/3 of the money from the gifts of beautiful people around us who have simply desired to give financially towards Zoe coming home.

This journey (we are now officially 4 1/2 months into it) has been a lot of fun and pretty stress free so far. Most families take a minimum of 6 months to complete their dossier, but we have been cruising along (Kris is a stud) and we completed our dossier last weekend. As of this writing, our dossier is now in Virginia at our adoption agency, America World and will be sent to Ethiopia on Friday. Once our dossier is in Ethiopia, we will be put in line for receiving our little girl. From the time we are put in line, it should take between 7 and 12 months to bring Zoe home.

Things have been interesting around our home. We are regularly talking to the boys about their baby sister, Zoe. They are incredibly excited about having a brown sister and they love telling people that they’re getting a brown baby from Africa. (These are the words they have chosen on their own.) At the same time, Kristy is incredibly anxious to get started on Zoe's room and it's pretty cool for me too, because we've never had little girl stuff.

One thing that I have realized throughout this journey is that there are a lot of people who simply don't understand why we are adopting. I think this is in part because there is not much adopting going on around N.O. and secondly, because I have not done a good job of expressing myself. Some have thought that we just want another child. Others have thought we just want a girl. The truth is - we don't need any more kids (if you ever visit during dinner time, you’ll understand). Nor we don't need a girl. For us, these things are wonderful, but at the heart of the matter, our desire is to give a child who has everything stacked against them - a chance to live. I know that 1 in 5,000,000 doesn't seem like a lot, but it will mean a lot to that one, so we're starting there.

I write these things here and I invite you into this journey along with Kristy and me because, at the end of the day, I believe that we all play a part in this adoption. I honestly believe that anyone who prays for us and prays for Zoe, anyone who prays for the workers at the orphanage, anyone who gives money towards bringing Zoe home, anyone who educates themselves or asks questions, is playing a part in providing this child with a family and forever changing her life. To all of you, who have already played such an integral part, through your prayers and thoughts – THANK YOU!

I’d like to invite you over to our adoption blog also to check out Kristy’s heart for this adoption. You can check out her blog: Life and Heart Change here. (Warning: you might need Kleenex).

For those who are interested in keeping up with Zoe’s journey home, Kristy updates our adoption blog fairly regularly and you can reach that blog here.

If you have any questions about our adoption journey, please ask!

Guns and Pipes and Other Things Nice

As I was reading through some of my previous blogs and some of my not yet posted writings the other night, I realized that for any who read this blog and don’t actually know me outside of the blogosphere, you might be left to think that my only interests are thinking deeply and my kids.

Alas, there is more to me…

So, here are a couple of things that you might, but probably don’t know about me, my interest and my life...

Guns

I have always had a fascination with guns. I remember getting my first bb gun as a kid; a Daisy multi-pump pneumatic air rifle. I would go into the backyard each day, set up an opposing army of aluminum cans in the trees and club house, man my post behind the gas grill and take them out one by one. My fascination with guns has not seized and to this day I love going to the range and lighting up some paper. I usually shoot handguns, but also enjoy shooting rifles. My holey targets serve as trophies in my garage and my favorite trophy is a quarter that I blew a hole in from 100 yards away with a .308 rifle.

Pipe Smoking

I have a bunch of friends who enjoy smoking cigars. I’ve tried it a few times, but have never really liked it. For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed the smell of a smoking pipe, so for some time, I have really wanted to try the whole pipe thing. Not too long ago, I went with a friend and bought my first pipe. My pipe is old and rugged looking – very cool. His pipe is shiny and polished – very metro sexual. After smoking my pipe just once I knew it was for me. I thoroughly enjoy it. It makes me feel smarter and I think it is probably going to make me a better writer – kind of like Tolkien or Lewis….or maybe not that good.

Jesus

I really like Jesus and his teachings. I try to live my life according to the things that he taught. Some days are better than others. I figure that if everyone on the planet tried to live by his teachings, the world would be a much better place. I don’t like religion or consumer Christianity. I don’t think Jesus likes those things either.

Poker

I greatly enjoy playing poker, primarily Texas Hold ‘em. If I’m going to hang out with a group of guys, this is my favorite thing to do with them. I enjoy watching poker tournaments, but would much rather play. I have never had a royal flush, but I did take down a monster pot once with a four of a kind.

Writing

I love to write. I am a thinker and a contemplative type. I started keeping journals when I was 19 years old and still carry a journal with me daily. I think best through writing, which is one reason that I began this blog some years ago. I have about 30 blogs in the queue. Some have to do with faith; others are about my kids and my adventures as a dad. Some are about marriage and still others are about movies and books that I enjoy. I also enjoy working on short stories and perhaps, one day, a book.

Deep Conversation

I enjoy dialoguing about matters of love and life and theology. Most of these conversations are best enjoyed with a good friend or two over a great cup of coffee, a good beer, or a pipe. I am open to different sides of the argument and am okay with us not agreeing if you are okay with it.

Toys

One thing that I love about having kids is the fact that I get to still play with toys. Transformers. Matchbox cars. Knights and castles. Monster trucks. There has to be a place in every guy, I’m sure, that just never really wants to grow up. My newest favorite toy is actually one that my wife gave me for Father’s Day. It is a black baby doll. I cry just about every time I look at it because it is the first toy I am going to give to my daughter, Zoe, as soon as we bring her home from Ethiopia.

Dancing

I love to dance. I don’t dance well. I dance like a 33 year old white guy and am actually self conscious about it, which keeps me on the sidelines a lot of times. However, I am not hindered at home and will dance all day with my boys. I can’t wait till Zoe gets here. I think she’s going to be able to help me with my moves.

How Dave Changed My Life

My life and my marriage will never be the same...and the way it happened was really an accident. It occurred one day while I was on itunes checking out a few of the new tunes on the 2009 release Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King by the Dave Matthews Band. One track title – You and Me – arrested my attention like no other.

It only took me a few seconds of listening before I was taken by the words that Dave was singing. Rich with sweet acoustic guitar, well placed tambourine and the amazing Dave Matthews signature strings, the South African poet sang straight to my heart:

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby [Full Lyrics]

The same heart that those words penetrated is a heart that is full of dreams and ideas. and desires. I want this planet and the people that I encounter on it to be better off because I am here. I have a heart to impact my world in a variety of ways. The way I raise my kids. The way I respect and honor people. The way I care for nobodies. The way I love people who are different than me. The way I learn how to give of myself. The way I take care of the planet. The way I treasure my wife. The way I love and live and engage in the everyday.

There are two things though that hold me back – doubt and laziness. As I sat however, and meditated on Dave’s words I was reminded of two other very important things.

Number 1: I am married to and get to share my life with an amazing woman (who also has dreams and ideas).

Number 2: Right now is the only moment that we are guaranteed.

Therefore, if Kristy and I have dreams, then today seems like a good day to get off of the sofa, get to God, allow him to calm our fears and follow our hearts.
We’ve been given time and life together….today….and we can do anything.

My soon to be daughter, Zoe, is going to know this song, as it is one of the biggest reasons that we are now 4 months into adopting our baby girl from Ethiopia. Adoption has been on our hearts for more than 7 years, but doubt, finances and laziness were keeping us on the sidelines. I’ve come to realize that whenever I’m sitting on the sidelines, it’s because I’m allowing my head to win the contest with my heart. But my life is most full when I allow my heart to win.

I love when my heart trumps my head. It is a beautiful thing.

So, what dreams are in your heart?

What is holding you back?

What words has God been speaking to you through music or art or books to encourage you to move? How will you respond?




And Kristy....I love that we are learning to love and live on this journey together. You and me. You are simply amazing.

And, Dave.....thanks.

8109 Miles

Kristy and I were married on March 1, 2003. Like most couples, we both came into our relationship with lots of thoughts and ideas and dreams about what and who we could be as a couple. From the very beginning, one of the things that we discussed often was our desire to one day adopt a child. We were so young at the time (and we still are), but individually we both shared a similar desire, a heart to one day be parents to a child who did not have parents.

It was not long into our marriage that we became pregnant with our first son. Micah was born in 2004.

Our second son, Jonah, was born in 2005.

Our third son, Nate, was born in 2007.

Our fourth son, Lucas, was born in 2008.

It’s not that we really had anything against 2006; we were just taking a little breather.

Though, we were incredibly busy having all of these little fellas (some of us were busy making, some busy having) we always kept our conversation about adoption going. We would discuss between pregnancies if the timing was right and each time the timing just didn’t feel quite right.

After Lucas was born, we picked the conversation up once again. Only this time, something felt different. We both sensed that we still wanted more children, but we also sensed that we might be done actually having children. For the past year or so, we have revisited the conversation about adopting a child, many, many times.

The desire has continued to grow and in January of 2010, we took the conversation from ‘should we one day adopt?’ to, ‘we should one day adopt.’

In March of 2010, Kristy and I took a trip to Austin, TX together with our 4 boys to spend about 8 days with some friends. While we were there, we experienced incredible bonding as a family and amazing time being fully engaged with one another and God. On that trip, I remember looking at Kristy one day and saying to her…

“We have our lives to live and love together. If there are dreams in our hearts that have been placed there by God, then we need to trust him and chase after those dreams. We can do anything that we want. We are deeply connected to God and we can trust the stuff inside of us.”

We came home, and decided that now is the time.

On April 28, 2010, we applied to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia.

Today, our application was accepted. (This sentence should be read with a ridiculous amount of enthusiasm and excitement!)

We are choosing to adopt a child, because feel that God has given us a heart for more. It is true, with our track record, that we could probably have more natural, biological children; however, we know that there are millions of children around this amazing globe who do not have wonderful homes to grow up in and we would like to open our lives and share our love to make a lifelong difference in at least one of these children’s lives.

We have chosen international adoption because our hearts have been enlarged by the love of our incredible God - our God, who is a global God and has taught us so much over the years about his kingdom and his intense love for all people. At the same time, Kristy and I both have an unexplainable leaning towards Africa.

For those of you who are interested, we invite you to journey with us. We have created a new blog for this journey at http://www.jeansonneadoption.blogspot.com/.

Along the way, we would greatly appreciate all of your prayers. There are actually a few specific things that you could pray for:

Please pray for our daughter who, more than likely, has not yet been conceived.

Please pray for us and for the process. International adoption is a long and tedious process and there is a lot of red tape. Please pray that things go smoothly.

For various reasons, international adoption is incredibly expensive. We have a game plan in place, but would appreciate your prayers in this area.

Please pray for our daughter’s biological mother and father who will be placed in the position of having to put her up for adoption.

We are incredibly excited about this path and this journey and look forward to sharing it with you.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers!

* 8109 miles is the distance from New Orleans, Louisiana to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.