My wife Kristy and I share the joy and privilege of raising 4 children…all boys.
Micah: age 4
Jonah: age 3
Nate: age 2
Lucas: age 6 months (obviously not in the pic)
Needless to say, with four small boys running around our home, there are many funny words and phrases uttered at any given moment. I love writing down these words and phrases and looking back on them when I need a good laugh. Just for fun, I thought I’d share a few.
“Nate, take the pizza off of your head!” – Brian
“Jonah, we do not put our head in the toilet!” – Brian
“God…food….amen.” – Nate’s prayer at the dinner table
“Jonah, there is no pooing in the tree house!” – Brian
“Daddy, can I go down the slide naked?” – Micah
“Jonah, we don’t climb on the dresser! Micah, we don’t push Jonah off of the dresser once he’s up there!” - Brian
“Daddy, can I pee on the fence?” – Micah
“Jonah, just pee on the fence!” – Kristy
“Mom, is my booty clean?” – Jonah
“Micah, we don’t sit on our brother’s heads!” – Brian
“Jonah, do not pee on your brother!” – Kristy
"Mom, is there poop in here?" - Micah to Kristy when she placed dinner on the table
…and then there’s my favorite…
“Hey Dad! Nate’s got a little weenie. Jonah’s got a little weenie. I got a big weenie!” – Micah
In response to Micah’s comment, I replied, “Micah, we don’t need to talk about each other’s weenies. Let’s talk about something else.” I could see the wheels in Micah’s head spinning and then he looked at me and said, “Let’s talk about snakes!”
I like milk. In my opinion, milk is its absolute best when it’s really cold. However, at no time do I think that it is ever appropriate to put ice in milk. My reason: Inevitably, the ice is going to melt and then my milk will be watered down. And I don’t like watered down milk.
I am a Christian. And as of late, I have adhered to a Christianity that is weak and pathetic. I worship a God however, who is anything but weak and pathetic. So, what’s the deal?
Before diagnosing the problem, I think it’s important to express what I believe it means to actually be a Christian.
I believe that Jesus actually died on a cross and literally came back from the dead to redeem me, rescue me and set me in right standing with God the Father, in order that, I could now live a life that is wholly surrendered to him and is at the same time lived to the fullest. I believe that living a Christian life is about seeking God’s will, not my own. I believe that being a Christian means that I get to live a life empowered by Jesus’ very own spirit and bring love and acceptance, hope and light, redemption and do-over’s to a broken and busted up world (people.)
I love that idea. I believe that idea. I just don’t live in the reality of it like I want to.
Why not?
Because there is ice in my milk.
Somewhere along my journey as a follower of Jesus, the Christianity that I adhere too got ice in it and it's starting to melt.
When I read the New Testament, I read about a Jesus who asked people to abandon everything to follow him. He asked people to put aside their own ideas and dreams, their own agendas and plans and he asked them to pick up his ideas and dreams and agenda and plans.
It seems that lately, I have just been focused on what I think and want and have really been leaving Jesus out of my life equation. How do I want to spend my money? How do I want to use my time? What do I consider appropriate giving to the poor? What do I consider healthy boundaries for my friendships? What do I want? What do I need?
It’s not just me though. It’s as if someone came in and slipped ice in a whole bunch of our glasses.
These days I see Christians spending so much time and energy justifying why one more glass of wine is fine, even though it sends them over the top or debating exactly what constitutes sexually immoral behavior. I hear Christians justifying why it’s okay to gossip about and usurp authority if that authority’s opinion or action is thought- by them- to be wrong. I hear Christians arguing that tithing is Old Testament and that we are no longer bound by the law but should be giving cheerfully out of a grateful heart. The problem is, they barely and rarely give anything away….but at least they’re cheerful.
We do these things because we want to serve God on our terms, not his. So, we take what we like from his teachings and apply those things and the things that are too hard, or too demanding, or too ridiculous…we rationalize and justify them away. It’s really brilliant and I am sad to say that even I have been hooked.
Recently, I worked a few things around in my budget to create a little more cash flow. I quickly found some great ways to use the extra cash. The problem was, I didn’t take the time to ask God about how he would like to use the extra cash.
Why?
Because there’s ice in my milk.
A few days ago, I was driving around downtown when I was stopped at a red light where a homeless man was standing with a sign that read ‘Homeless. Please help.’ I had a sense inside of me and I had a $10 bill within my reach. Literally, my hand was only inches from grasping it in my pocket, but instead I decided to ignore the internal movement and I unlocked gazes with the man.
Why?
Because there’s ice in my milk.
Recently, I wanted to give a friend a piece of my mind. I wanted to explain why they were wrong and express my opinion in a powerful way. It didn’t even cross my mind to first have the conversation with God and ask him how to handle the situation.
Why?
Because there’s ice in my milk.
Lately, I’m pretty tired of it and I don’t want to live a life that is all talk. Don’t get me wrong. I do some walking with my talk. I actually do experience some life that is empowered by God’s spirit. It’s just that I think there’s more and I want in on it. I want to be in that place that truly says with all of my heart that all of my money belongs to God. That all of my time belongs to God. That all of my family belongs to God. That all of my possessions belong to God. I want to live a life that seeks to serve God and his kingdom first before I consider how it will affect or impact me and my comfortable life.
I’m a work in progress. I’m on a journey. And right now, I’m asking Jesus to show me just how much ice has been slipped into my milk.
If you’re reading this and feel like ice got slipped into your milk along the way and you no longer want it there….I welcome the company on the journey.
So, may the grace of Jesus be upon each of us and may his spirit indwell and empower us to move and live according to his ways and his truths. May our hearts be consumed by his love and acceptance and may our lives reflect Jesus and not some man-made, sideways, goofed up Christianity. May we live lives that are wholly surrendered to the ways and words of Jesus; lives that are full of passion, grace, mercy, love, peace, beauty and most of all life. And, finally, may we come to truly understand what we just prayed.
Last week, I took my oldest son, Micah, camping. It was our first camping trip together – just the two of us. As our trip was nearing, I was amazed at how excited I was. The nights leading up to our time together, I could not stop telling Kristy how excited I was to take my boy camping and actually spending some quality one-on-one time with him. I enjoyed every single minute of packing our supplies, buying our groceries and buying Micah his first fishing pole. Quite honestly, I think I was more excited than he was.
I took Micah to the same camping grounds that our family went to when I was growing up. I decided not to make reservations, because I was nervous that if I reserved a site that I ended up not liking – I’d be stuck with it. So, I chose to take my chances and arrive early in the day to pick out a site that would be just right. Before we left, I asked Kristy to pray that we get a great site and that we have a great time together.
After a two hour drive, Micah and I arrived. I drove up to the window and said, “We don’t have reservations, but we’d like a camping site.” The sweet little woman at the window said, “Well, we have one site left.”
One site!
There are over 200 sites at this campground and they had just one left?
I said, “We’ll take it!”
As we drove through the park, we wove our way down the winding roads through the rolling hills and finally arrived at our campsite. As soon as I noticed which site was ours, I felt this sinking feeling inside. Our site was wide open! We were practically sharing a site with the people next to us. You could count the number of trees in and around our site – and we were supposed to be in the woods! I tried to put on a happy face for Micah as we began to set up camp. I sent a text to Kristy that said, “BUMMER! Our site SUCKS!”
We had a great time setting up camp, but I couldn’t seem to shake my feelings of being bummed. I just felt like the whole trip was going to be affected by our site being so open. It wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what I expected.
After setting up camp, I gave Micah his fishing pole and I took him fishing for the first time in his life. It was the coolest thing. He caught all kinds of stuff. He hooked a tree. He caught some grass. He even reeled in a pier. And he loved every single minute of it. As we were sitting there casting our lines, Micah looked up at me and said, “Dad, you don’t like our firecamp?” (He called our campsite a firecamp.) I was taken aback. I hadn’t said anything to him about not liking our site. I hadn’t spoken it out loud to anyone (I intentionally texted Kristy so he would not hear me talking to her about it.) I looked at him and said, “No, Micah – I like our firecamp. Why?” To which he replied, “I was just wondering because I really like it.”
At that moment I realized that if it didn’t bother Micah, then there was no reason in the world that it should bother me. From that moment on, I had a change of attitude, a change of mind and a change of heart. And I had the most amazing time with my son.
On our trip, I taught Micah how to pitch a tent, start a fire, cast a line, scramble eggs, tell spooky stories, roast hot dogs on an open flame and find a private place in the woods to pee.
On our trip, Micah taught me not to let my circumstances determine my attitude and experience.
This evening, I had a speaking engagement at a class that my church is currently offering. As part of the teaching, I chose to use clips from the movie Toy Story to illustrate certain points. Before I went on stage, I was discussing with our production team (and particularly our video tech) about the importance of the timing on the movie clips as well as an additional power point slide that I would be using and reminding him that if the timing was off, it would greatly affect the impact of the clips.
The teaching went great. All of the points were made and lives were impacted. The media side of the teaching went off without a hitch. Our video tech was brilliant as his timing was perfect. Smooth…all the way.
At the end of the evening, a few of us were standing around when someone made the comment to our video tech that he did a good job tonight. He immediately responded by pointing at me and saying “Just doing my part to make him look awesome.”
What?
Just doing his part to make me look awesome?
He didn’t even say ‘thank you.’ He just humbly expressed that he did what he did to make someone else look good.
So, then I got to thinking…who did I make look awesome today? What part did I play in making others look awesome today? I could immediately recall one instance, in particular, where I made someone look stupid today (which I did apologize for)….but awesome?
I wonder just how much more incredible this world would be if more of us spent a little more time ‘just doing our part to make those around us look awesome?’
I wonder just how much more amazing my world would be if I spent a little more time ‘just doing my part to make those around me look awesome?’
In an ‘it’s all about me world’ it sure does seem upside down.
And it sure does seem right.
So, today, what part are we going to play in making those around us look awesome?
Last week Kristy and I bought a new home. When we first looked at the house a number of weeks ago, one of the things that we really liked about the backyard was the fact that the neighbor behind us had two ginormous oak trees in his yard that provide great shade to our backyard. (Obviously there were many things that we liked about this house, but this story is based in the backyard).
Immediately following our closing we headed straight over to our new place to walk through it and check things out. When we arrived at our new home, I looked out the back window only to notice that my backyard was full of huge oak branches. I walked outside with my boys and saw that the neighbor behind us (we’ll call him Joe, because that’s his name) was up in one of the trees cutting branch after branch. After a few minutes, Joe acknowledged me down below and we exchanged names and talked about the neighborhood. After a few minutes of small talk I motioned down to all of the branches that were spread across my backyard and said, “Joe, as for these branches….?”
Joe quickly interjected, “Oh…do you need help dragging those out of your yard?”
“No Joe. I don’t need help. I need you to get over here and drag them out. I’ll provide the lemonade.”
Or….
“Uh….no Joe. I just need a little help throwing them back over the fence.”
Now, for all of those who are reading this blog, I’m just curious…what would your next statement be?
I have told this story to some and they thought it was hilarious that Joe did not feel that it was his responsibility to clean up the yard. I have talked to others and they didn’t see any reason for Joe to clean up my yard. I’m really just curious what others might think about this.
All the same, it was pretty funny for me. My actual response was, “Well, Joe… I guess I do need a little help.”
When I was telling a friend of mine this story the other day, he said, “Man, that’s cool. God likes you.”
I don’t believe that good things or bad things happen to us depending on how God feels about us on that particular day. I know that as a follower of Jesus, my life will be full of both good and bad. I do have to say though…there are times like this, where I really do sense that God likes me…that he truly, genuinely likes me.
On July 18, Kristy and I put our house up for sale. As soon as we put the ‘for sale’ sign in our front yard, we began looking for a new home. After walking through more than 30 houses and looking endlessly for 2 weeks Kristy and I had narrowed it down to 2 homes. There were only 3 problems.
Problem #1: Until we actually sold our home, we could only put a predicated offer on a new home. This normally would not be a big deal, except that the market for selling homes has been so bad lately, that most sellers weren’t even entertaining predicated offers.
Problem #2: Although we had narrowed it down to 2 homes, the problem was that I really liked one home and Kristy really liked the other. We weren’t on the same page.
Problem #3: Even if we had sold our home, the homes that we liked were out of our price range. Not only that, but on one of the homes, we already knew that the seller had already rejected an offer that was just $5,000 less than his asking price.
So, we started praying.
On Monday, August 4 around 3:00 pm, I uttered this prayer – “God, we really need an offer on our home. Could we get an offer tonight?”
At 6:00 pm, my phone rang. It was our agent saying that we got an offer on our home. We put it under contract that night.
Two days later, Kristy and I still weren’t seeing eye to eye on which house to pursue. I started to become very frustrated and on my way to work on Wednesday, August 6, I simply asked God – “God, would you please help Kristy and me come to some agreement here. Give us some direction here.”
A few hours later, as I sat my desk, around 10:00 am, my cell phone rang. It was Kristy. She said, “I just called to tell you that I trust you. You always look out for our family and you make good decisions. I trust you.”
After wiping the tears from my eyes, I got all excited and started to pursue the home that I thought would be the best long term fit for our family (just for the record, Kristy liked the house. There were just a few things about the other house that she liked a little better.)
The house that we began to pursue was listed at $15K more than our budget would allow. This was the house that the owner had already rejected an offer of $5,000 less than his asking price. So, I prayed and asked, “God, would you give us this house?”
About the time we were getting ready to make an offer, our agent called me and said, “I was praying about it this morning and I think that you should write a letter to the home owners to go along with your offer.”
I figured, what do we have to lose? So, I got to writing. I wrote about our family, our 3 (soon to be 4 sons) and how we would love to raise our family in this home. I asked the home owners to humbly consider our offer and to sell us their home. We then offered them $17K less than their asking price. They counter offered at $15K less (right at our budget ceiling.) We signed the contract. We got the house. (It turns out that the couple who owned the house lived there for 22 years and raised their 4 sons in that home.)
Hurricane Gustav caused our closing on the new home to be postponed. To most people, this would seem like a nuisance. To me and Kristy, it was a blessing. The interest rates were at 6.6% on the day of our originally scheduled closing. Since the storm pushed our closing back, when it was time to close, the rates had dropped to 6.1%. We got the new rate.
On top of all this…when I was working in the new house the other night, my wonderful wife brought me a Subway. I peeled off the little sticker on my sandwich wrapper…It said – YOU WIN! A FREE 6” SUB!
When I was telling a friend of mine this story the other day, he said, “Man, that’s cool. God likes you.”
For the last three months I have been working on my next blog. My desire is to write about what so many before me have written about.
Brennan Manning calls it the Imposter. Susan Howatch calls it the Glittering Image. John Eldridge calls it the Poser. The man who counsels me calls it the Idealized Image. James Masterson calls it the false self.
This has been the most difficult subject that I have ever tried to tackle writing about. It has been so difficult for me because this is where so many of my issues actually lie. I have learned a great deal from those who have written and taught on this subject, but when it becomes personal, it becomes challenging. ..thus the writing has been hard.
I am still working on this writing, but for today, I have chosen to simply quote Brennan Manning from his book ‘Abba’s Child’ from the second chapter entitled: The Impostor.
For those of you who have not sat down with Manning’s ‘Abba’s Child’, I encourage you to do so. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
For those who are not sure what your impostor looks like, perhaps this will begin to shed some light on things for you.
For those of you who don’t feel that you have an impostor, that’s probably just your impostor trying to convince you that he/she doesn’t really exist. This might be a great quote to start with:
“It is the nature of the false self to save us from knowing the truth about our real selves, from penetrating the deeper causes of our unhappiness, from seeing ourselves as we really are – vulnerable, afraid, terrified and unable to let our real selves emerge.”
Again, to all I highly recommend Manning’s book. I have learned and continue to learn so much from his writings and others like his.
So, on to some of Brennan’s writings…
“Impostors are preoccupied with acceptance and approval.”
“To gain acceptance and approval, the false self suppresses or camouflages feelings, making emotional honesty impossible. Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image* to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us.”
*A personal comment here: I have noticed that in my own life, my impostor has even learned how to NOT present the perfect image when around those who have an understanding of the impostor, in order to present the perfect ‘broken image’ to those who place high value on brokenness.
My impostor is smooth and amazing.
More quotes:
“Our false self stubbornly blinds each of us to the light and the truth of our own emptiness and hollowness.”
“The sad irony is that the impostor cannot experience intimacy in any relationship…the impostor is insensitive to the moods, needs, and dreams of others. Reciprocal sharing is impossible.”
“The impostor must be called out of hiding, accepted, and embraced. He is an integral part of my total self. Whatever is denied cannot be healed. To acknowledge humbly that I often inhabit an unreal world, that I have trivialized my relationship with God and that I am driven by vain ambition is the first blow in dismantling my glittering image. The honesty and willingness to stare down the false self dynamites the steel trapdoor of self-deception.”
“As we come to grips with our own selfishness and stupidity, we make friends with the impostor and accept that we are impoverished and broken and realize that, if we were not, we would be God. “
As you can see, these past few months have been rather heavy. It’s been good though. It’s been very good. I intend to continue processing what I’m learning about my impostor and hope to write soon.
On a lighter note: Yesterday was Father’s Day and my amazing bride bought me a brand new Drew Brees jersey. The cool thing is that she bought all 3 of my boys little Drew Brees jerseys too, so we’re all looking forward to football season in a big way. I also took my boys to see Kung Fu Panda yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It was a great Father’s Day.
My wife Kristy and I share the joy and privilege of raising 4 children…all boys.
