Sunday Stories: Follow Your Heart

I'm a regular at my Starbucks. I know all of the baristas and of course the morning crowd. I've developed a number of good relationships with some of the other regulars, including Steve. Steve is writer. He primarily writes screenplays. He's in his late 40's and has been writing full time for a number of years.

Steve has determined that there is more to life than living, making lots of money and dying. He doesn't necessarily have a firm opinion on what more there is, but he's convinced there's more. This week he told me that is the reason he writes. He used to have a very well paying job, but he left it all to pursue writing, because he believes that what he writes has the power to impact and transform others through the stories he tells. This week, Steve told me,

"Brian, it's not about the money. If it was about the money, I'd be out there right now, pounding the pavement, making a buck. As it is, I'm sitting here, not making very much, but I'm following what's in my heart and I'm just hoping that it makes a difference. I have to do this."

Steve, to you, I say, way to go. I hope that your journey is full of success, but even if it's not, I hope that your heart stays alive. There is nothing better than a heart that is alive.

Sunday Stories: Selfless Love

I heard a story this week about four siblings in their 50's. Two brothers, two sisters. Last week, their 81 year old father passed away. In his last few months of life, his health began to deteriorate and he began suffering with dementia as it would come and go at times.There were a number of occasions when he would be sitting at his home in his chair and would suddenly decide that he wanted to go home. Instead of convincing him that he was already at home or just putting him off, his sons would simply say,

"Ok, dad. Come on. Let's go."

They would go outside, load up in the car and begin driving their dad around asking him for turn by turn directions on how to get back to his home. Sometimes they would get by with just having to make the block. Other times, their dad's directions would take them on a long journey, passing by his old grade school, high school and other landmarks that resided in his memory. Each time though, they would end up back at his home. They would pull into the driveway, get out of the car, go inside and take their places once again in the chairs that they had left minutes earlier. The difference was, this time when sitting in his chair, their dad was at peace because his son's had taken him home.

This might be the most powerful story of love that I experienced this week.

Figuring Out Life with Others

I was recently listening to a podcast by a 70 year old man that I have a great deal of respect for. He mentioned during the podcast that in all of his life, he would be happy if he just had two things: Jesus and relationships.

As one who has at times, struggled greatly with relationships, there are a couple of things that I have learned over the past few years.  These are things that have come to shape how I try to approach relationships these days.

Relationships must be a value

For years I was a loner and was content. I have come to realize over the years however, that life is better with others. In order to share life with others though, I must value relationships and the ongoing pursuit of them.

Relationships take time

This one may seem obvious, but time is something that many usually aren't willing to part with. The truth is, it just takes time to get to know other people. 

Relationships take commitment

It's going to get hard at some point so there must be a willingness to work through the tough patches. 

Relationships take money

I understand that some may balk at this one, but sometimes I might need to actually invest -yes, even money - in relationships. Part of developing friendships is having a good time together and some times these things might cost a little bit. 

Relationships must be a priority

If relationships are not a priority and are not intentionally pursued, they will not happen on their own.

Relationships take the ability to shut up and listen

Most people want to be heard, but have difficulty hearing. In order for relationships to work, it has to go both ways.

Relationships only work if both parties get to be right sometimes

Nobody likes to be in a relationship with someone who already knows everything. (I used to be that guy and still can be sometimes. It's not cool). 

Many of us would say we value relationships. The problem is, our lifestyles don't necessarily their importance. Someone once told me, show me your calendar and your checkbook and I'll show you what is really important to you.

Being a loner is easy for me. Intentionality in relationships is a bit harder and more challenging. But in the end, I am hoping that a change in lifestyle early on will lead me to hopefully being 70+ years old one day and though I might not have a lot of things that others might have, I am hoping that I at least have others.

What other things might you add to the list? Or take off of the list?

It Takes a Village

This past summer, Kristy and I packed up the car, loaded up the boys and headed out of town with two other couples for our annual beach trip. What makes this trip so exciting - sure, we can use that word - is that between our 3 couples we have 11 children - all boys - all under the age of 6.

These are two couples that we are quite intentional about sharing life with. We're to the place where we trust each other with our own kids, allow one another to correct/discipline our kids and actually play a part in raising one another's kids. 

One night on this particular trip, Kristy got into a beautiful conversation with the other two girls. I think us dad's must have all gone to sleep (tired from keeping up with the kids all day, cooking, keeping the condo clean, etc.). The conversation made it's way towards how we are going to train our boys in the ways of God, how we will instill kingdom values in them, and teach them how to live. The question came up at one point, "How will 'I' be able to train my boys to do something or to a choose a particular path that I myself (and/or my husband) might have messed up or not chosen correctly." Another one of the girls replied, "Perhaps, but what if we share in the raising of our boys. Between the three of us, we have all had different experiences and made different choices. So I can give a whole different perspective. This way our kids can learn from all of our stories and lives."

As the girls discussed they came to the conclusion that when we truly invite one another into each other's lives we all bring different things to the table. 

Since then I have thought a lot about the ancient "African" proverb, 'It takes a village to raise a child.' Some believe this proverb originated from the Nigerian Igbo culture and proverb "Ora na azu nwa" which actually means 'it takes the community /village to raise a child.' This tribe went so far as to name their children "Nwa ora" which means 'child of the community.' It has been in existence in Africa for centuries.

Adopting a daughter from a completely different culture (Africa, actually) has led me to thinking this thru at even deeper levels. It's raised a number of questions:

In our context today, what is it that causes us to think that our children are better off only learning from us (their parents)?

Is it possible that our collective experience and wisdom would actually work to make our kids better, not worse?

How does our modern day, individualistic, American culture hinder us from engaging in the centuries old practice of raising children in community?

Do you have a community of people that you share life with and allow to speak into your kid's lives? If not, would you be willing to? If not, why not?

How can we be more intentional about being a part of a 'village' to share life and the raising of our kids?

Working Together for the Good of Others

This is a blog about a good friend of mine who has started a non-profit in order to provide food and critical vitamins to malnourished children in Zambia, Africa. You can actually help in very simple ways - simply by liking Umweo Bags on FB and sharing the link. Grace and peace - Brian

In an effort to raise awareness, friends of Umweo Bags will donate over $600 to this amazing cause if Umweo Bags receives over 250 likes on their Facebook page, along with receiving at least 60 shares on FB and 20 new followers on Twitter by December 25.

Umweo Bags is a non-profit organization (pulling together the final paperwork for being incorporated as a 501(c)3 as you read) that was started in 2010 by Ana Rich. While on a mission trip in Zambia, with her church - the Vineyard Church of New Orleans. Ana had the opportunity to visit a malnutrition clinic in the town of Kitwe. This clinic is a place where children in the community who are malnourished are brought, most often by their parents, to be given a chance at surviving in life. While at the clinic, children are cared for by nurses who do all that they can to provide care, nutrition, vitamins and food to these children; to nurse them back to health so that they may return home to their families, healthy. At the time that Ana was visiting the clinic, there were close to 15 children being cared for and nursed back to health.

Upon returning to New Orleans from her trip to Zambia, Africa, Ana had an overwhelming desire to help, to work to figure out how she could play a part in helping these children survive. While in Zambia, Ana had the opportunity to go to market one day. While there she purchased a handmade bag from one of the local merchants. It was this bag that enlarged Ana’s imagination as she considered ways that she could help those children who are clinging to life over 9000 miles away.

After weeks of thinking and praying, Ana pulled out her old sewing machine, though she had only minor sewing skills, and began to play around with fabric and designs to try and replicate the bag that she had purchased at market. Within a few days, Ana had finally landed on her own unique pattern for the purses. And thus Umweo Bags was born.

Umweo Bags are all made out of fabrics full of vibrant colors that in some way reflect the culture of Zambia.  Bags are sold for $30 and every penny that is profit is now sent to the malnutrition clinic in Kitwe and is used to purchase the necessary food and vitamin supplements for the children.  Over the last year and a half, Ana has empowered a number of other women in the community to also make bags and today, every Umweo Bag is handmade by Ana and 5 of her friends.

To date, Umweo Bags has sent $2,675 to the malnutrition clinic which in turn has allowed the clinic to purchase food. The clinic usually only has enough funding to purchase formula. However, children over 8 months old are in need of solid foods in order to get the nutrients they need to regain their health. The money that Umweo Bags sends to the clinic enables the clinic to purchase the necessary solids, such as, fruits, mealie meal, ground nuts for protein and more.

Here are some other sobering numbers:

·         People travel anywhere from 10 miles to 150 miles in order to find help at the clinic

·         Children stay anywhere from 7 days to 30 days at the clinic

·         There is a dietician and 3 nurses that work at the clinic

·         The clinic has anywhere from 12 children to 32 a time 

·         There are only 25 beds at the clinic

Since Umweo Bags partnered with the clinic in 2010, over 95 children have been nursed back to health and have returned to their homes nourished and healthy.

It is our heart at Umweo Bags to continue to provide as much as we can financially to this clinic to provide these children with the food and vitamins they need to survive - to provide life.

Here’s how you can help:

1.       Like Umweo Bags Facebook page (here)

2.       Share Umweo Bags page on Facebook (here)

3.       Follow Umweo Bags on Twitter @umweobags

In addition to this, you may always purchase an Umweo Bag at www.umweobags.bigcartel.com or donate directly to Umweo Bags at www.umweobags.com

Freedom from Answers

Whenever I approach life with a certain sense of arrogance and know-it-all-ness, I realize that I miss out on a good many things that I could actually learn from others. This tendency I have towards being the man who has all of the answers and none of the questions is certainly a tendency that I have enjoyed losing much of over the last few years. In exchange, I am gaining knowledge, answers, rich relationships and most of all - life.

Last week as I flew home from a trip to Mexico with some of my friends, I had the opportunity to sit next to a man and his family who were in the states so this man's oldest daughter could undergo her 22nd surgery for Spina Bifida. Though we had never met, this man and I had the most amazing conversation on our way from San Diego to Salt Lake City. The commonalities between us were incredible. Born just 10 months apart, we are the same age. He has been married for 10 years. I have been married for 9. He has 3 children - all girls. I have 4 children - all boys. He is a runner. I was holding my latest issue of Runner's World magazine. His connection with his God is important to him, as mine is to me.

As we sped down the runway and lifted off, I looked at him and said, "I really don't enjoy flying." We both laughed it off and continued in conversation. About 6 minutes into our flight as we came close to our cruising altitude, we hit a small pocket of turbulence. I became fidgety which was quite evident to him. He leaned over and said, "You know, Mr. Brian, in my religion, we believe that our God is in control. We believe that nothing happens to us apart from our God knowing about it and we believe that we can trust that things will be okay because our God is in charge."

I replied, "In my religion, we believe the same thing. I'm just not very good at it."

From that point on, we conversed for the entire hour and a half flight. We talked about everything from raising our kids, to our vocations, to our favorite hobbies. It was the most beautiful 90 minutes of my day.

I learned a great deal last week from this Muslim man from Saudi Arabia. I learned a great deal about love and life, about family and priorities, about sacrifice and selflessness, but most of all, I learned about faith.

It causes me to wonder how many times I have missed out on opportunities to learn from others who were different than me because I thought I was the one with all of the answers?

These days, I feel as though I am on a continuous journey of learning just how much I don't know. And I must say, I am loving the process and finding great freedom in this journey.

Katrina: Becoming Who We Are Going to Be

In some ways, the storm that changed our lives forever has made us who we are and we are better versions of ourselves because of the fury of Katrina.

Lots of things were wrong about Katrina. The way she destroyed our city. The way she took lives and homes and hearts from people. There is nothing that can prepare you for an event like that in your life. The best you can do is hope that something like that never happens to you and trust that if indeed it does, you will have the grace to walk through it. I hated that storm. That storm crushed my heart and angered me. That storm threw my life into confusion and created enough doubt to last for years on end.

And at the same time, that storm saved my life and led me to my heart. I could literally write for hours about how Katrina has impacted my heart and life over the last 6 years, but for today, on this 6th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, here are just a few thoughts on how Katrina has impacted my life.

Katrina changed my life...

...by bringing new relationships into my life. Had it not been for Katrina, I might not have met some amazing people, many of whom still play a significant role in my life today. 

...by giving me a greater imagination for what humanity can do when working together.

...by giving me a greater imagination for what the community of faith who follows after the teachings of Jesus could really look like when we put aside our individualistic, independent, it's- all- about- me lifestyle and actually live our lives for the sake of one another.

...by allowing my beautiful Kristy and I to realize that our marriage is not made out of where we live, what we drive, what we own or any of those externals, but our marriage is built on our love for one another and an amazing friendship. You always hope that you're marriage is built on something solid, but until you come face to face with the reality of life in your marriage, you just don't know. I realized one afternoon after the storm as I sat on my refrigerator out on my front lawn, looking at everything we owned piled up in a trash heap, that my life and my identity were actually not wrapped up in my stuff. It was as though chains fell off of me in that moment and I was free. I realized that our relationship was built on nothing but who we are together. We cried about our stuff and then we embarked on a richer, deeper life of togetherness that I don't know we would have ever found apart from Katrina.

It's been six years and I honestly believe that I am still processing. Those days were difficult. We still realize on a regular basis new ways that the storm impacted us and our family. I think this story is still being written as we continue our journey of becoming the people we are going to be. 

We lost much. Many lost more than we did. I'll never forget what was lost.

But for everything that we lost, we gained much more...we began to find ourselves and we found an imagination for what could be.